20 Things Nurses Wish They Never Had to Say

The title---borrowed from a nurses' desk calendar---is self-explanatory. The situations that give rise to these sayings, however, are not.

OK, I'll have to admit that I got the idea for this piece from a desk calendar my sister gave me for Christmas last year. It's 365 pages of nursing funnies, some of which really aren't, but the rest of them range from the mildly amusing to rolling-on-the-floor-with-tears-squirting-out-of-your-eyes HILARIOUS. And after having the kind of Hell Week I just went through, I needed the comic relief of "How in the world did THAT get in THERE??!"

Here, for your enjoyment, are twenty more things nurses wish they never had to say:

1) To the CNA: "Uh-oh........it looks like Mrs. Chambers hasn't had a BM in nine days."
2) To the patient with Munchausen's Syndrome: "No, I can't give you any more pain medicine," when what you'd really like is to swack him up with enough Dilaudid to shut him up about his manufactured miseries for a few hours.
3) To co-workers, upon seeing a frequent flyer coming up in the elevator: "Oh, Lordy......look at what the cat dragged in."
4) To the MD: "You want me to do WHAT?"
5) To your best friend's 10-year-old: "No, Eric, you're not a dork. Everybody gets their big toe stuck in the bathtub faucet at least once."

Read the rest...