April 19, 2010

Raising Quality Kids...when you're working night and day!

People used to joke about "doctor's hours", how doctors were only on the job when it was convenient, but anyone who has ever worked in health care knows how far that is from the truth. Today's medical workers, like CNAs and HHAs, often work long hours and irregular, on-call shifts. All this while juggling the needs of their families.

Quality time with the family can be hard to come by, and it can be hard to devote the time you need to your kids. How can health care workers raise quality kids while meeting the needs of very demanding jobs?

First, don't panic! While your kids certainly need periods of undivided attention, you can still manage plenty of quality time while going through your day. As this (http://www.lovingyourchild.com/2010/04/raising-kids-quality-time/) article points out,"Contrary to popular notion, the best parent-child memories are not created out of major milestones marked with much celebration and fanfare. It’s the little moments spent in doing things together that create beautiful memories – cherished and held close to the heart forever." Little things like talking about the upcoming day with your children while making your and their lunches can go a long way. Instead of rushing out the door with a travel mug of coffee, take a few moments to enjoy a bowl of cereal with your kids. It'll start your day--and theirs--off right. Similarly, instead of plopping down in front of the TV after work, turn the TV off and play a board game with your family. Or take a walk around the block, or hit the park to toss a ball around. Getting out of the house and away from the TV can bring out the chatterbox in your kids, and you'll be able to keep current on their lives with very little effort.

Driving to and from daycare or school is another frequently missed opportunity. Instead of letting your kids bury their heads in a movie or video game, take the time to ask about their days. Talk about some of your experiences at work (being mindful of confidentiality, of course!). Long term care workers could write books full of all the great stories they hear from their elderly residents. Why not share some of those stories with your children and encourage them to share in kind? Don't use this time to gripe about work or problematic co-workers. Instead, focus on the positive. You can help your kids understand why your work is important (and why you need to be away from home during your shifts) while encouraging them to talk about their day care or school time, too. Audio books are another great way to get closer with your kids. Find a story or author you both enjoy and you can discuss the book between chapters. It's a great way to break the ice and get your kids talking. Picking books that reflect your values lets you share what's important while entertaining at the same time.

Family meal time is one of the best ways to keep involved with your kids lives. Dinnertime conversations are a great way to impart your values and let your kids know what is important to you. But an opportunity most people miss is hanging out with your kids while preparing the meal. Many people feel their kids just get in the way in the kitchen, but if you give your kids specific tasks, they can take pride in the meal and spend some valuable time with you. We live in a world of microwave meals and convenience foods, but often, a home cooked meal is worth the effort. Moreso, if you have you little helpers by your side. Here are two great resources with recipes and tips for getting your kids involved in meals. http://www.cookingwithkids.com/part1/challenges.html/ http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes-and-cooking/safe-easy-kitchen-tasks-for-little-fingers/index.html

Feeling overwhelmed? You cook, you clean, and do everything in your power to keep your household running smoothly. All while working a full-time (and sometimes overtime!) job. Isn't that enough? Well, "Our children, for the most part, are unaware of the myriad of things that we do FOR them. However, they are fully aware of the things which we do WITH them." (http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/quality-time-with-children/). Sometimes it's OK to let the cleaning slip in favor of an impromptu game of tag. Or let dinner be a little late so you can take an extra five minutes to talk with your child about the new piece of artwork on the fridge. Going to the park is all well and good, but just sitting back and watching isn't nearly as meaningful as diving into a game of tag with your kids.

Bringing your experience into the conversation is one of the best way to connect with your children and impart memorable lessons. Instead of family movie night, try talking with your kids over snacks. Or watch a short program together and turn the TV off to discuss it. No matter what their attitudes may say, kids still look to their parents for guidance on how to live their lives. Sharing your experiences while they talk about theirs is a great way to teach values. You can bring your experience as a health care worker to bear, too. For example, if you witnessed an incident of verbal elder abuse, you can compare it to a bullying incident your child witnessed at school. Talk about your feelings and how you each reacted to the situation. It'll help bring your daily work to life for your children, and give you some insight into your kid's lives, too.

Finally, if your children are old enough, see if they might be interested in volunteering at the facility where you work (or a similar facility). They can gain valuable life experience, and maybe a renewed respect for what mom or dad does all day! As with most things in life, it's more about quality than quantity. "While more than half of employed parents guess that their children want more time with them, in fact, most children did not put this on top of their list. Instead, kids wished that their parents would be less stressed and less tired from work." (http://www.familytlc.net/working_parents_teens.html).

Other helpful links:
http://www.kelloggforum.org/working-parents-and-children-effects-problems/
http://www.cookingwithkids.com/
http://life.familyeducation.com/family-time/parenting/36489.html